Was It Really Wrong

Situations happen every day that can cause your anger to become an issue.  Knowing if you were wrong can help in your fight against becoming the old you.  Evaluating your triggers and past situations will help in this knowledge.  When you start this process, you have to take your time.  You must involve many people & tools to help answer this question:  “Was I really wrong when I became angry? 

One of the easiest starts is sitting down and writing them out, figure out your trigger points then look at the whole situation from start to finish.  This will enable you to get the whole picture and maybe think of things that you did not even realize.  Sometimes when we jump to conclusions and allow ourselves to get out of control, we do not realize that we could have been the problem.  Maybe had we known the rules we have now learned we could have been part of the solution or maybe even minimized it. 

We are not placing blame when we are evaluating our triggers.  We are only looking at our behavior, was I wrong on how I handled the situation.  There is never any right where anger is concerned, disappointed or upset is understandable.  Anger will always cloud the real answer.  Remember we cannot control anyone or anything we can only control ourselves.  Choices of others only affect us if we allow them; our responses are what we control.  Even if right, anger will always make it wrong.

Why Am I Angry

You are walking down the hall when you accidentally step on a screw that had fallen on the floor, from the project the night before.  You start Cussing and just about put a hole in the wall or maybe throw your drink across the room.  Why, Just because you are the one that dropped it, because you did not see it. Ok so it hurt is that really a reason to get angry over it.  The point of this situation is to point out that if you stopped to figure out why you were angry, then maybe the drink might still be in your hand or the wall might not have a hole in it. 

When you stop and think about why you‘re angry, remember it was caused because of something happening, figuring it out all while staying calm is the most important part.  To know the situation you need to look at the whole picture; you cannot just jump to conclusions for it might have been partly your fault.  If other parties were involved, you still need to look at all the factors.

Stress and being tired, are two major contributors to anger, our brain is weak our thinking is slower, So  there is a piece of our brain that takes over, it causes us to use reactive thinking, which is the knee jerk reaction/ or even our fight or flight reaction.  Push yourself to use active thinking, slow down, breathe, and look around.  It will always work out.

Stay Calm

Calming yourself is not always easy, it could be because this is a reoccurring situation, or involves a loved one or even something close to you.  This is the time where in that split second of evaluation you have to think of the bigger picture.  If you allow yourself to get out of control, is the law going to get involved?  Is someone going to get hurt?  What if this moment involves family, could this cost you your family?  

Anger raises the blood pressure, really gets the heart pumping, and can you honestly say that when a situation starts you can feel this coming on?  I can actually feel my heart pulsing in my neck.  It is at this point that you need to learn to calm yourself down, bring things back into a level plain. This is really when you use the tools of stopping and evaluating everything going on.

Finding a technique to keep calm is always best; you will find that in a majority of situations that happen if you approach it slowly in your mind, you can find some humor to it.  Ask yourself have you ever seen the situation or been the person that initiated it. Situations that involve people younger than yourself, more than likely you have been in their shoes.  When you are calm, you will also find that situations work themselves out quicker, the result usually ends in a good place.  A calm mind means calm thoughts, When everything is aligned SMILE.

Can't stop / Escalation

Starting this blog I have talked about anger like you control it, but what if you cant?  You are human and you are learning how to control the anger.  Learning when or what can set you off that’s key.  Knowing how to react that is the question.

    

People are used to the old you, the person that loved confrontation, they knew that you would or could blow up at the slightest inkling of something bad.  These people know that if needed they could rely on you to come and possibly kick some butt, you are not the diplomatic type; you do not think about things first, you are the angry one.  Well not anymore, you are learning the basics tools to not be that person and people are going to resist with everything they have, so be ready for the resistance. 

Escalation is being louder than the other person is; it is the stair step to a situation going wrong.  This can be a major point in anger because it can be one situation out doing another, who is going to get the last point across.  It is when the escalation reaches its highest point that physical violence or damage can take place.  Not being able to get this under control is why you are learning these lessons. You know thru the previous lesson how to try to stop the escalation, question is are you using it.  Treat Anger like an addiction, one-step, and day at a time.  

Stop the Response

Knowing that Anger is a second emotion, we now have to talk about how to stop the immediate response.  This step is crucial so that you do not revert to your old ways in handling a situation.  Old ways might have included escalation, always wanting the upper hand.  Retaliation wanting to get back at them for whatever reason, getting defensive about the situation can cause one to do many different things.  What we want is to stop this response from happening.

I learned that evaluating, taking that split moment and absorbing everything really works.  Think about this old adage “you can evaluate something or someone in the first ten seconds”, this tool can work every time.  No matter what it is or what has happened stop and quickly evaluate.  This also goes with the time method, time allows you to use the mental and visual aspects needed to calm down, or maybe realize that there was more to what the goings on then you initially thought.  Know that time usually helps solve most situations.  

Time along with evaluating the situation allows real thinking about if you are upset or disappointed with the goings on.  These emotions are ones that are viable because they are a calmer emotion.  These subside quicker thru time, and worked out thru calm and expressive conversation.  Find a method that works and perfect it, stopping the response is important in order to conquer Anger.  Thru all, remember to breathe for everything will work out.