Anger Solves Nothing

Have you ever asked yourself “what did getting angry really accomplish?”  Was your answer I was able to hurt someone; I broke things that I now have to replace.  I love this one “I ended up looking like the ass that was angry over something so trivial”.  Think back, has anyone even mentioned that last statement to you?

Will my tools work for you?  Only you can answer that.  

Anger does not have any type of positive outcome.  You have the right to be angry but remember knowing how to point your anger in the right direction is the most important idea you must learn.  

I touched on anger being a learned emotion, try imprinting this on children for they are watching you.  The old adage is smiles are contagious, well so is anger.  Do you want the young people to immolate the anger you used to have or would you have them follow in the footstep on how you react currently?  

 Now knowing anger achieves zero “are you happier and are the people around you happier”? Know you are not alone in this battle, everyone to some level is angry; the difference is you are working on controlling it.  A scary question I ask myself all the time is “what would the world be like if everyone was working on anger management to some degree or another”?  I do not even think Hollywood could solve this problem.  

Only you are in control of you, Period no one else is.

Let It go

Letting anger go is one of the hardest things any person can do.  We as human beings grow up watching our peers stewing over situations for long periods.  We learned as a child and as a young adult that we have to some type of completion.  It does not matter what type only that it has to have an end.  Note this is a normal feeling of need, if you ask yourself or anyone the deepest question of all “Why?”,  you shall learn that most answers are “ Because , or I need to know”. 

What are you achieving by not letting it go?  Headaches, high blood pressure, stomach problems or even worst, law involvement, courts, money owed.  Remember not letting things go you have started the process of confrontation, resentment, possible physical altercations, the mental stressors are already there.  So again, ask yourself what you are gaining. 

Finally learning the will to let it go, what will you achieve?  Peace, showing others that you are the bigger person, self-confidence of knowing you can walk away without confrontation. The complete knowledge that you are the one in control, no matter how large or how hard the other person or persons try to create severe adversity thru you.  How you ask?  You can try making the statement “I am sorry you feel that way all while showing no emotion.  Look at the whole picture once again by stepping back and breathing.  Letting it go can truly bring a peace inside.  

Direct Confrontation

Situations arise all the time by many ways, instances like hearing about it via a friend or maybe seeing it on social media; you might have even witnessed it.  These situations could be the tipping point of an “I need to confront or handle the situation”.  But then again do you really need to?

How you decide to confront a situation is a choice that every individual has to decide.  Every step really depends on where you are at in controlling your anger.  Any type of confrontation should take place at least 12 to 24 hours after the situation. This once again allows you to calm down and think things thru.  I have stated in previous blogs you have to use every tool, those tools will help you to make the right choices.

In confrontation, I recommend using a third party to assist you.  A person who is neutral; this gives you an easy out if needed.  Then using the phone is a good option too.  Having an idea of what you are going to say is highly recommended.  I would never use media for there can be so many ways to perceive so choose your words wisely if you choose to go this route. One thing lesson I pass to everyone is this “All words can never be taken back they are and will be remembered for ever.  Think about this “Do you remember what the bully called you?”  Making the wrong choice can lead to disastrous results.

Navigate Your Options

I am at a sporting event when suddenly I am pushed from behind, knocking my drink and Nachos on to my wife.  This person then starts screaming at me that I was in their way and I had better move or they were going to put out my lights.  I then step into them, mentally daring them to try.  I have never backed down in my life and I was not about to start now.

This scenario happens all the time at events by people who are easily excited or intoxicated or even experienced some extracurricular activities. Now is when you separate yourself from others in the ability to avoid a conflict.  Throughout this blog, I have suggested many how to ways avoid becoming angry.  This time however, is about slowing down and taking the time to see what options are available to you.  Let us look at the above situation, who was with you?  Was security around? Could you up and move somewhere else?  Did the person have friends or family with them?  Could you just walk away?  Biggest question is “is there a safety issue?” 

 Thru time, all tools become an asset not only as individual tools but when put together they can be an awesome combination.  Looking at the above situation and asking some of the questions we did, we incorporated many steps.  The biggest issue now is taking advantage of what we see.  By possibly walking away, being the bigger person of the situation: We win.

Was It Really Wrong

Situations happen every day that can cause your anger to become an issue.  Knowing if you were wrong can help in your fight against becoming the old you.  Evaluating your triggers and past situations will help in this knowledge.  When you start this process, you have to take your time.  You must involve many people & tools to help answer this question:  “Was I really wrong when I became angry? 

One of the easiest starts is sitting down and writing them out, figure out your trigger points then look at the whole situation from start to finish.  This will enable you to get the whole picture and maybe think of things that you did not even realize.  Sometimes when we jump to conclusions and allow ourselves to get out of control, we do not realize that we could have been the problem.  Maybe had we known the rules we have now learned we could have been part of the solution or maybe even minimized it. 

We are not placing blame when we are evaluating our triggers.  We are only looking at our behavior, was I wrong on how I handled the situation.  There is never any right where anger is concerned, disappointed or upset is understandable.  Anger will always cloud the real answer.  Remember we cannot control anyone or anything we can only control ourselves.  Choices of others only affect us if we allow them; our responses are what we control.  Even if right, anger will always make it wrong.